Endeavors in Life

At least I don't look like this...

2012-01-24T20:18:00.003-05:00

But I do feel rather crappy. Some big transitions - a new semester, roommate moving home to Uruguay, job search highs and lows, and now an achy body that's plumb wore out from the beating this introvert has put it through in the past week. So much lovely people time..but probably too much.

So now not only do I have to make myself rest, but to remember while living in community that acting like a b* is not very loving and is not how I really want to act. It's the whiney, tired, achy self that's thinking these things, that's all.

Here's to better.

The rocks cry out

2012-01-08T23:54:00.001-05:00

Ain't no rock gonna cry out in my place, as long as I'm alive I'll glorify his holy name (camp song)

I wrote this finals week and forgot to press 'submit' so forgive the references to Christmas-past!

We have a responsibility to speak what we believe, no matter what it is. As people we have this innate need to communicate. I admire it when I see this in others, whether or not I agree with what they believe. They are being true and trying to live a pure life, not denying parts of themselves for the sake of someone or something else.

And I can't help but imagine what it would look like if their beliefs changed, sometimes. Maybe it's just an active imagination, I'm not sure. But I do think it is a little bit of how God sees us and the potential within.

Sometimes the joy inside me wells up and I just have to write and speak. Right now, I am in the middle of finishing a project for class, but I had to stop and write this; put aside the work and just write.

I love writing, using the written word to craft and communicate. So here goes, another attempt at communicating!

What has really been coming home to me this term is that we need to work harder at listening. Most of the way we communicate isn't actually in the words that we say, but the words we don't say: our body language, facial expressions, where we spend our time, what we do and talk about with one another. I see a lack of listening that makes me sad and angry. So much heartache happens because we are so busy trying to be heard and don't take the time or effort to really see one another.

This Christmas season, when so many people feel overwhelming loneliness, I hope we put forth some more effort in being present with one another and hearing what our loved ones are saying. I think it's "Do you really see me? Am I loved? Am I alone?"

I know that I'm guilty of this. Both sides. We all have the need to belong.

If we take a moment we'll see that we ourselves are not alone. And maybe by seeing each other we will really be able to communicate and understand truth and love.

What do you want?

2012-01-06T14:14:00.004-05:00

In writing the last post, I was looking for an unusual link to give more information on Dorothy Day's book The Long Loneliness and when I found Burnside Writers, it seemed intriguing. Coincidentally, one of the people involved with them is Donald Miller, of Blue Like Jazz fame..

Well, he's got a conference coming up that explores seeing your life as a story and how to share it with others. There's a big push toward this these days..of course, it's not new since the Bible is mostly story and our lives are mainly stories interspersed with facts, desires, fears, etcetera.

My biggest difficulty is that I feel I know what I want, but it's not really a tangible goal. The business-educated side of me gets quickly annoyed with that thinking, because measurables are how one knows goals are being met. Oh well! Best not think about it too logically, then, right?

But I can't help myself. I must think of it. Because 'it' is what my life is all about. I want to share my life with others, being wise in who to trust how much. Being vulnerable and trusting, but not just giving my heart to others expecting they will treasure it as I do. I can't find my worth in that since I know it's a losing situation. Giving my heart may be painful but I am hid in Christ and act out of the trust in that love.

Maybe it's all a sham- lots of people tell me this. But lots of people say lots of things and we need to sift through and find truth. If I believed everything everyone told me I'd be believing everything and essentially nothing because there are contradictions everywhere.

So what do you want? Because I hope you're going for it. To be educated in it, to work toward that, and live into it. Maybe it will change. Maybe you'll decide that was a totally wrong path to take. But at least you'll know. It's like that adage, 'better to love and lost than not to have loved at all'. Those who have know what I mean. Live life to its fullest. I don't mean that you have to be happy all the time; there will be lots of scrapes along the way- but fight for it.

Finally..Dorothy Day

2012-01-05T20:58:00.002-05:00

So - I read a biography about Dorothy Day yesterday, only about 3 years after it was recommended to me. I have a dear friend who lives in an intentional Christian community house in the South Bronx, and reading that book showed me some of what I can tell has shaped her vision for it. We spent some quality time dreaming of living in the city, what it should look like among the poor, really living WITH people and being an active member of the community you live in, wherever it may be. I'm proud to be her friend. She's really doing it. Not without lots of bumps along the way I'm sure, but that's part of the blessedness, sharing in the brokenness.

The Catholic Worker is such a beautiful movement (at least, the image painted in the book...it could be different now, I don't know). I'm sure in person many wouldn't call it beautiful, since there are many poor, dirty, foul people who are drawn to the houses of hospitality- but Dorothy's desire to not turn away any in need was beautiful to behold. And she really was quite firm in her convictions once she decided (in her 40s, I think) that seeking God through the Church was really the only way she should and wanted to live.

I'm inspired to read her book The Long Loneliness after that foray into discovering who she is and how she lived.

2011-12-08T14:52:00.000-05:00

Ponderings

2011-12-08T14:49:00.000-05:00

Gratitude... goes beyond the "mine" and "thine" and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy. --Henri J. M. Nouwen

Why is it so important that you are with God and God alone on the mountain top? It's important because it's the place in which you can listen to the voice of the One who calls you the beloved. To pray is to listen to the One who calls you "my beloved daughter," "my beloved son," "my beloved child." To pray is to let that voice speak to the centre of your being, to your guts, and let that voice resound in your whole being. --Henri J. M. Nouwen

Gratitude and Guts..there you have it.

On my mind...

2011-11-21T01:28:00.001-05:00

Who Am I?

by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!

--March 4,1946

No, I don't live in a prison cell, nor am I held captive by anyone who restricts my movements. But I do live a life where the same people see me every day, walking to classes, walking to the library, going about my daily life- even those on Facebook who see my pictures and posts; they see a person, the one trying to portray myself clearly but often in the best light possible, as we all do. Yes, I am usually joyful and easily delighted by coffee, cheese, and good bread and live music.

But I am also a woman living in a body that doesn't quite look like I think it should; who isn't married like I sort of thought she might be; who feels orphaned because my dad has been gone 5 years; who hasn't committed to living in one location for more than a year since high school which tells the world I can't make up my mind.

There are good and bad qualities existing in this person, sometimes an assured demeanor that is only covering up a girl scared that people will reject her. But through it all, I stand firm (and sometimes shakily) in the faith that there is someone out there so much bigger than I am; a Savior who loves me and has proven his love to me time and time again. Whoever this person is, she is loved.

On being an 'only'

2011-10-22T12:56:00.002-04:00

Last night at a party, some new friends were talking about birth order and how it has affected their lives. When the question came around to me, one of my friends was shocked to hear that I'm an only child.

"How did you get to be like this??" was the gist of her response. She was flabbergasted, even though she only knew me through sitting next to me at an event a week earlier and asking me to come to this party. In studying counseling and having dated an 'only' for 3 years, she considers herself a little bit of an expert at reading 'onlies'.

It's true, I'm not the typical mold-fitter in this respect. Typical only children are more selfish, maladjusted and unable to make friends easily, like to be in control, dependent, and lonely. Now it's true that I sometimes don't empathize with people who are making stupid choices and this is a typical only child response of misunderstanding motive; but this is one of my few 'only' extremes.

It was a combination of growing up as an adult and having a sense of taking care of my parents in childhood (don't read too much into that, it's simply some of the ways I grew up and how little me saw the world) and after high school going to work at a camp. In camping, you don't have to wear the mask of 'fitting in' like you do in the non-camp world. You can, of course, but it's often seen and derided. Who really gets all dolled up every morning when they're camping with every hair in place and wearing spotless clothes? When you're living with people day in and day out, they see you in tons of different situations, moods, energy levels, and levels of intimacy. A moment of silence for the death of the acceptability of the scarf on one's head..

There are lots of aspects of this experienced as a week-long camper, but as a counselor it's zoom-focused. Being a person who loves the outdoors, camp brought out an aliveness in me. For the first time, I was with people who all had one goal: loving kids for Christ' sake and wanting to help them grow. That first summer on staff I was considered one of the young counselors (a new enterprise for little me, who always felt so grown up when with my peers) and was also one of the new counselors. I'd been a little leery of being 4 hours' drive away from my friends and family in Michigan, but being a camp counselor was something I'd always wanted to do. And this job providentially came into place through ccca.org.

So I took the leap. And in that huge cannonball splash I found out I was more extroverted than I realized. I was good with kids. I was invigorated by living outdoors. There were people like me out there and some of them were here; this is where my core friendships in early adulthood were solidified.

Anyway, how I got to be such a well-adjusted only child? God's grace and mercy is the short answer :)

Playing in the northwest...

2011-10-10T22:30:00.004-04:00

It's pretty wonderful living in the Pacific Northwest. The greenery, the city-ness of Portland, the learning environment I live in, and the church community I'm a part of are all blending so well together. The tough parts are tying in all the reading necessary and being wary of budgeting for the next couple years while a student.

Even walking about the neighborhood is similar to being in the woods. There is greenery everywhere! There's a park connected to campus, and the lots around here have a plethora of plants and trees. Even a palm tree, believe it or not. Maybe I'll take a picture on my next walk.

Walking in Seattle was very similar to here- in terms of greenery, hills, and rain :o)

Now I'm starting to really get involved in some of the life of the area, joining in a dialogue community of Zen Buddhists and evangelical Christians. We do dinner once a month and discuss how we're similar and how we're different. The ZenBuddhists are going to read Mere Christianity, and I'm going to read Living Buddha, Living Christ as well as a bunch of articles we'll all be reading. Should be a very interesting engagement that will push as well as pull. Already I stood outside after our first dinner with a new friend who can't wrap his mind around the centrality of Christ's reality for Christians, why it's so important that this man truly was human and truly lived in history. He told me that it doesn't really matter so much if Buddha or the historical figures of Buddhism really existed. I'm looking forward to understanding that more, and seeing him understand why Christ is so important to me.

I can't help but think about the verse that says: "Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, ²³but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, ²⁴ but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God." (1 Corinthians 1:22-24) It really is foolishness without faith. You've got to have faith to believe in those crazy things the Bible says! But if it's not true, what's written in there, it's foolishness to believe it. And that's really what I think. If there hadn't been ways that God has wooed me to himself, and I hadn't received love from him (sometimes directly, sometimes through reading the Word, sometimes through others) I wouldn't be a student intent on knowing more about this God and trying to experientially know more.

Pants

2011-09-22T01:49:00.004-04:00

I sort of miss my cargo fire pants from this summer. They were so...practical.

Now we're back to a rebirth of the business semi-casual in class.

This time seems to be going so very quickly. It's been almost a month since arrival in Portland, but I just got here.

The community (while I was a little concerned at first) is proving to be a good fit. There aren't as many new students on campus this year as there have been in the past, but there are 3 other singles brand new to this place, and together we make the 4 musketeers!

Today we studied the 12 communication tools. At the top are verbal, written, numeric, and 2D pictorial...whereas at the bottom are olfactory, temporal (time), spatial, and tactile. What's most interesting to me is that the lower one of these is on the list, the lower that means our awareness of it is - but coincidentally the higher it is in effectiveness. Obviously with food, I love the smell of food more than words- and it gives credence to the thought that the way to a man's heart (and mine, I'm told) is through the stomach (which really means nose, doesn't it?)

Morning Meditation

2011-09-10T14:31:00.003-04:00

For a couple of my classes, there is a multiple-hour retreat required. So I have to spend time contemplating God, just him and me, FOR SCHOOL. Granted, it's a seminary - but still, pretty awesome.

This morning I was spending some time in worship while chronicling these first days in the realm of higher education again, and had a Paul-esque moment. He sometimes just goes off in praise and ecstasy when considering the riches of God's grace, glory, and mercy to him/us. It's a wonderful thing. When you're not in the same mindset while reading Paul's words, well, for me I get a little agitated that he's off-topic again. But what a great thing, just to be caught up in awe.

I've been meditating on the verses of the song How Deep the Father's Love and in particular these middle two verses:

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that left Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

-of course, in case you don't know them, the last two just bring it all home, so they're here:

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Amazing love, how can it be that he, my God, should die for me? Not that he needs me, but that he LOVES me.

Awe.

Portland, NE style

2011-08-28T19:29:00.002-04:00

Oops. I didn't post all summer.

Moving on...

All moved in to the apartment at Multnomah, and as ready as you can be for classes when I still can't remember them. In college I had the irrational fear (and nightmares) about forgetting a class and going over half a semester before realizing it. This place is small enough, though, that the professor would notice pretty quickly. That's good.

It's been a delightful summer working in the Wilderness of the Carson Iceberg with Silvia, who wrote this sweet little post for me: She Walked in Wilderness with Shovel. The title comes from my loathe of the shovel we had to carry for campsite decomposition if needed. You're supposed to carry tools in the downslope hand in case you lose footing and have to toss it away from you, and you're supposed to carry it down in 1 hand, and with the sharp/blade side down. sometimes I managed to secure it to my pack, but it was bulky and heavy...Not as bad as a rock bar, it helps me to remember. Those are 20+ lbs and not strappable.

My friend Heather assisted in the move up here by way of Lake Tahoe, San Francisco, and Crescent City. Then when we got here, she had a good friend who showed us around. Most importantly on the trip, we shared a love of GOOD food. Oh, it's wonderful. Italian, Chinese, & Vegan in SanFran; local goodness in Crescent City; Spanish, Indian, Doughnut in Portland; and wonderful local brews everywhere.

In short, I think the Northwest and I are going to have a great time together.

Wilderness Rangerness week 1

2011-06-07T22:18:00.002-04:00

Well, I've finally begun the new job. It's lots of paperwork and research these first couple weeks. But after that I'll be going on 4-day hitches into the wilderness, surveying and meeting with the few hikers who venture into the Carson Iceberg Wilderness of the Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forest area.

Talk about a mouthful. The bad news is there are still 7 feet of snow on the Sonora Pass, and that means it's pretty much physically impossible for us to go in as planned. It's been awhile since I wore snowshoes.

The library card count is now up to 5, I think. Sturgis, Kalamazoo, Shanghai, Cedarville, Mount Pleasant, and now a state capital one - Carson City. Somebody has a book problem. Today on the list are last week's Time magazine, possibly a movie, and possibly an Ilene recommendation.

Any other recommendations out there? After only 'working' for 10 hours a day while camping, there's a whole lot of light left for reading in the wilderness!

Just started Dakota by Kathleen Norris. Seems like an apt sort of genre for the present. Helps to inspire me to write more as well - or maybe at least to think about it more. And just finished The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Yes, it's true, we all should read it. I delayed, and delayed, feeling more averse the more it was recommended - it's that perverse opposite-doing bone in my body making those persnickety feelings rise.

So - recommendations?

Portland..

2011-05-31T13:48:00.003-04:00

Well, I'm in Portland now. It's been an eventful week, with 12 states crossed. That's saying a lot since it's not New England area! The least exciting was Minnesota, because it was long and much the same as Michigan and Wisconsin. My route went from Michigan-->Indiana-->Illinois-->Wisconsin-->Minnesota-->South Dakota-->Wyoming-->Montana-->Idaho-->Washington-->Oregon.

I'll be here a few days before making the rest of the way to my summer position as a backwoods forest ranger in Nevada!

It's an exciting trip of a lifetime. And there were only about 5 minutes of loneliness in the journey. Guess I was peopled out. There was just so much going on around me, the landscape was completely delightful, and that helped. Probably knowing I was heading toward friends didn't hurt.

Was able to visit an old college friend in Seattle for a few days, and now am with a travel buddy who is from Hawaii and went to school in Oregon but we met in Shanghai. It's nice to be a little more at rest today, doing laundry and looking for storage for the summer so that my car begins to have a little more space in it...like for a friend to sit somewhere!

It's difficult to choose a favorite image, but this one captures the opening to the badlands by hinting of a peaceful landscape but then opens up to magnificent cliffs and boulders, prairie dogs and muddy rockslides. If you want to see some multitudinous amounts of photos from the trip out west, check out my photo site: Flickr.

so many times..

2011-04-26T18:47:00.002-04:00

There were many moments the past few weeks I've thought 'I need to blog about this' 'I need to blog' or 'why don't I write a post?' and yet silence here.

Just too busy living.

Making plans, executing plans, enjoying moments- basking in friendships. There has been much journaling, of course. But for some reason it's not passed the 'let's put this out for all the world to see' inspection.

Yet today is the day. I get to watch white fluffy clouds in the blue sky through my sheer purple curtain, so this means the sun is shining; and I can at least pretend it's warm outside while I sit here in a blanket.

Someone cued the thunder right as I typed 'blanket'.

What a day.

When it's Spring

2011-03-31T20:31:00.003-04:00

When it's Spring, I can open the window in the morning to hear the birdsong
And long to be in a place by the water so that I could hear the spring peepers calling

When it's Spring, the sun comes back
And I can almost forget the darkness of winter

But there's snow in the forecast, and it has me wondering where I am; the upper peninsula or the lower? Certainly, upper peninsula snow at the start of April can be expected some years, but in Kalamazoo? It's a zoo alright. But it's colder in all of West Virginia than it is right here as I type, a good 7 hours' drive north of its southern tip. Definitely does not make that state any more appealing right now.

So comparatively is where I'll find the satisfaction. At least I'm not in Princeton, WV where it's 32 (6 degrees colder than Kalamazoo) and 28 degrees colder than their average high.

What a weird winter/spring it has been. Did the Farmer's Almanac predict this one?

An Ad and Swag

2011-03-29T18:40:00.003-04:00

So - on the left you may note a couple new widgets and redesigning - I went through the old links and updated them as well as added something called the Swagbucks widget and an ad space. Blogger has been bugging me to 'monetize' with their AdSense gadget, and it did me in. Sure, we'll give it a go.

Now Swagbucks on the other hand is not new to me. If you need to search for something and you're already here, use the nifty box I put there on the left for you, and my 'swagbucks' will increase! It's my search engine of choice. Before, I used Goodsearch, which donates a penny to the nonprofit of your choice each time you search, and that was nice enough, but such a little difference really. And the engine itself wasn't that great. Maybe it's better now, I couldn't say. Swagbucks has already sent me one $15 ITunes card and I could have another already if I wanted to. But I'm holding out for the big-league $50 REI giftcard. Love that company. It's really a gigantic outdoor coop. And I'm a card-holding member. They give a dividend of the income each year, and they're extremely environmentally friendly, moreso than I am.

:) Click away!

SICK

2011-03-25T17:53:00.004-04:00

The beginning of this week, I felt a rumbly in my tumbly. Rather than going away, it developed into more symptoms: fever, hot-air balloon head, and wet cough. It's the cough that gets me every time. It almost makes me vomit, because the sensation is there even though my gut isn't repulsing anything.

Which makes me realize I'm like my uncle Ron. In my memory, he didn't much like doctors. Not sure if it was because they never seemed to be able to do much for his mother, or something else. For me, though, it's because I would have to build a relationship with a doctor. I would want him to know me, to get to know my symptoms, to well, in essence be a small-town doctor. But he/she won't be. And really, I just need to get over it.

Later.

For now, I have an entire weekend ahead of me which is essentially unscheduled and lots of sleep, water, soup, and rest will probably do the trick of curing me of the frog-voice.

Fingers crossed!

wall of love

2011-03-23T19:36:00.009-04:00

I believe this is my favorite place in this apartment. Looking at my 'wall', I always smile. And you know how often we all turn to the refrigerator, even when we don't want anything! When I see this wall, I remember:
-Cedar Campus, the place I never thought beforehand I would ever work at because I already had 'my camp'
-Aforementioned 'my camp', Pleasant Vineyard, and the wedding/reunion of staff at the Webel reception this winter
-China, the place which holds pieces of my heart halfway around the world, especially Clare
-Kentucky family like my little cousin Elaine who is getting married this summer! And my cousin Pam who got married last summer!
- international friends - it's so hard to keep in touch
-Who my ideal love mate is (won at Cedar Point in 1992! I knew who he was at the tender age of 9) "Your Ideal Mate doesn't let love become a habit--like breakfast. He goes on being romantic year in and year out..." I know, pretty awesome right? It gets better "...He's never too busy or too tired to listen to those little whispered confidences, and while he says 'no' to the other girls he says 'yes' when his wife says, 'Do You Love Me?'" Printed 1941
-Friends who have gone overseas like Mike & Gretchen and Adelle and the Kingly family; or gotten married this past year like Maribeth & Josh, Lance & Kristin, Mary & Adam, Matt & Carol, and Nick & Beka!
-When in the world it is that David Sedaris is coming to Kalamazoo, which means Jamie is coming to Kzoo, which means I really should start remembering before April 5
-and of course, what I can recycle! It's the first and most important layer of 'the wall'

It's a wonderful wall. A reproduction of my wall in the house I grew up in, where I put up over 200 photos on all 4 walls of my bedroom.

What's your most favorite place at home?

Today...

2011-03-22T20:46:00.002-04:00

Goodbye Winter!

2011-03-19T09:51:00.003-04:00

There are a lot of people, rather, a majority of people, who deride Michigan winters and Michigan in general. But there's something amazing about seasons changing when the last one was brutal. The sunshine out my window reminds me of hope, and the hammock on my deck reminds me there is another opportunity for hearing birds sing and experience the frozen ground melt into rich smells of varying hue.

We had a 70-degree day this week, which did much to dissolve lingering winter blues in my coworkers. Now all I need is to cut a hole into my office window!

Uncle Bill

2011-03-09T18:56:00.002-05:00

aMAYFIELD — William Curtis “Bill” McGary of Hopewell Road, Mayfield, Ky., passed on peacefully at his home from Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS) Sunday morning, March 6, 2011, at the age of 83.

Bill was a farmer, devoted father and husband, and passionate local historian and storyteller.

William was born near Kirbyton in Carlisle County, Kentucky, on November 15, 1927. He was the eleventh and youngest child of Victor and Effie Dura Gourley McGary.

He farmed in West Kentucky across seven decades beginning as a young child on the family farm.

He began his education at the one-room Dewey Corner School. In 1941, Bill attended Cunningham High School and enthusiastically played on the school’s basketball team.

After high school Bill farmed for several years with his father, still working only with horses. In December of 1950, he volunteered for the United States Air Force. He studied at Boston University Aircraft School and served as a B-36 Electrical Specialist for the Eleventh Wing at Carswell Air Force Base, Fort Worth, Texas.

While in Texas he met his future wife, Betty Jo Evans. They were engaged at Palo Duro Canyon State Park and were married August 2, 1953, in Halfway, Texas.

After his time in the service, they moved to Petersburg, Tx., where he farmed cotton, maize, and other row crops for several years with Betty’s father and brother.

In 1965, they bought a farm in the Mayfield Creek Bottom off of Hopewell Road, where for the next four decades they added acreage and grew white corn, yellow corn, popcorn, soybeans, wheat, and canola. In later years, Mike Nesler was instrumental in running the farm as well as a small long-haul trucking operation.

Betty kept the books and managed operational details and Bill’s brother-in-law, Henry Wells provided assistance in various capacities.

Bill often enjoyed breakfast with local farmers and neighbors at the Longhorn Restaurant near Mayfield. He could always be counted on to spark up conversations with complete strangers, often to have a new audience for his stories, but just as often to make a personal connection with a fellow traveler. In 2009, he completed his memoirs of growing up in the Jackson Purchase Area entitled “William-Billy-Bill,” published by Lulu.com.

Bill is survived by his loving wife of 57 years, Betty; as was a son, Kenneth “Ken” of San Francisco, Calif.; daughters, Thana of Rutland, Vt., and Lawinna of Greene, New York. Lawinna and her husband, Joe Ingold, have three children, Evan, Loren and Liam. Bill is also survived by his sister, Adell McGary Hurt of Toledo, Ohio.

Bill’s siblings were Ava Boswell, Zela McGary, Vernice Wells, Theron, James Thomas (J.T.), Wilbur, Alda Brower, Adell Hurt, Learon, and Wilford.

Bill was a member of Open Door Baptist Church.

Visitation will be Friday evening, March 11, from 5-8 p.m. The funeral service at Byrn Funeral Home in Mayfield starts at 10 a.m. on Saturday, March 12. Burial will be at Highland Park Cemetery.

In memoriam, contributions can be made to Emmeaus Perpetual Cemetery Fund, c/o David Wells, 12272 State Route 129, Fulton, KY 42041, or to the American Red Cross, 1-800-733-2767.

Rules.

2011-03-06T20:47:00.002-05:00

Rules., originally uploaded by sarah_laughingguts.

Oh, Engrish. Because we need a good sign this evening.

Don't push and squeeze.

Family

2011-03-06T13:17:00.003-05:00

Late last night I heard the message that my great uncle was receiving hospice care. This afternoon I received the message that my great uncle had passed away in the night. Uncle Bill battled cancer, has been married for about 57 years, has 3 children and 3 grandchildren; and still I cried when the voicemail told me his body is the only part of him here on earth anymore. He has finished his earthly race, and the rest of us left behind have to carry on without him.

That's what I feel the most when loved ones die that I know had accepted Christ' gift of life. I feel a tension that I'm supposed to be glad for them, and am jealous, even, but I sorely miss them.

Uncle Bill was a great southern storyteller (this coming from a northern girl). He was the youngest of 11 (10 lived to adulthood and now only 1 is still living), born and raised on a farm although he did manage to go to high school in rural west Kentucky, something only 1 of his brothers also did. The luxuries you get as the youngest, I guess. A bus started running when he was a kid, so they only had to walk 1.5 miles to the bus which took them the rest of the way to the schoolhouse. Our culture is so different now - I don't think many Americans would dream of letting their children walk a mile to go to school. We might even call it cruel and unusual.

A piece of history that lived on through him is gone, now, it seems. It will be ever easier to think that the way things are now is the way they should be, or better, because we deserve more. And we'll forget as a culture where we came from, sons and daughters of immigrants and revolutionaries and oppressed peoples, fighting against the grain to provide for our children and allow more of them to live longer, instead of seeing several of our children die as infants and a few, hopefully, to live to adulthood.

I am so glad for Uncle Bill's stories, that I could see that other world he grew up in and it's not just a story we learn in school, that we didn't always have cars and electricity and phones, and it wasn't really that long ago.

Towering

2011-02-21T10:44:00.002-05:00

Towering, originally uploaded by sarah_laughingguts.

The beauty of an ice storm...when the sun comes out and before it all melts away into memory.

Iced Out

2011-02-21T10:32:00.003-05:00

It's lovely to have friends all over. Yesterday there was a massive ice/snow storm that dumped about half an inch of ice and several inches of snow on my homeland. Not even sure there's power at my apartment. Which is why I'm staying put elsewhere!

Tried to talk my mother out of lunch yesterday since she lives an hour away, but we compromised and met halfway. It took us each double the time to get there.

The fantastic part is we're celebrating Washington's birthday today, and my employer has given us a paid holiday. So here I rock, holding a cup of coffee and bundled up with two great protector-dogs (what I mean is they bark at any old thing and sound vicious but they're really just 70-lb babies) while surfing for something on a steal from Dealnews...

Who's who in this goodbye between mother and daughter?

'I love you'
-'Love you too'
'Take care -- Call me if you need anything, OK?'
-'OK'

Happy President's Day!

train!

2011-02-05T19:35:00.004-05:00

Another popular way to get around, which isn't so popular here in the US (although I wish it were!) is by train. Yes, it's slower than plane, but so much cheaper!

This here is an image from the train going from Beijing to Ningxia

View Larger Map

Which was quite a trip!

This one is actually a subway ride in Shanghai taken by my friend Lance:

Touch being a love language of mine, it wasn't such a travesty to be squeezed into the subway while in China. It was a lonely time for me, seeing as how my father had passed away just months before and I didn't know anyone walking into this place. So riding the bus and subway were times of being near people- even though we weren't 'near' to one another. True, it has its downfalls, such as pickpocketing (which more than one of my friends experienced in China in large part because we were 'laowai', but hey, it happens)

Now here in the states, I'm not sure they understand how many people can fit on a subway car.

This clip makes me think of China, even though it's Japan...

You might not believe it until you see it. Have a peek.

transportation

2011-02-01T17:46:00.004-05:00

So...in my line of work, transportation is really important. Granted, I don't live in a small village where you can walk anywhere you need to be, or hop on a moving car/bike. Half the year, practically, our world is snowed in and biking/walking are not at all appealing options in subzero temperatures. (today, for instance)

But really, there are lots of ways to get around. I'd like to take a stroll down memory lane with you photographically.

There is the ever-popular biking option,

Yes, a mother and toddler are riding on the back of a bicycle with a bucket counterbalancing here. I saw this a lot in China, unfortunately there aren't any photos from that time I have taken. I got pretty decent at riding sidesaddle on the back when in China...can hardly believe that was 5 years ago...

Ever-popular way to transport wood, this is a little zealous in my estimation. At least it's dry season and there aren't massive amounts of mud to contend with on those dirt hills they'll be riding this wood through!

These folks don't let a few stairs deter them! Looked for a photo of massive amounts of people riding in Shanghai, but pretty much everyone has seen that picture by now. Not everyone has seen how in the cities stairs have a bike track on the sides and sometimes in the middle for people to carry bikes up, like this.

Even a white shirt and tie with black pants, there's no excuse for not riding around here :)

Well that's all for now. I'm going to go enjoy my state of emergency blizzard evening...

for mom

2011-01-29T23:52:00.003-05:00

So recently Lance & Kristen got married and had a photo booth at their reception. Typically a photo booth is filled by a couple friends or a couple, or parents and kids...or sometimes 6 crazy friends. They had props and everything, so we made the most of it.

It was great to see friends from years past all in one place again. The kind of moment you wonder will ever happen when you are saying goodbye to a set of friends at the end of a phase. Pretty delightful.

winter update

2011-01-27T21:15:00.004-05:00

So - I looked back to that post about winter excitement, and that has subdued somewhat.

While it's beautiful to see snowflakes and watching flakes fall from heaven, most of the time it has just been in the way of getting where I want to go. Ah well :) Such is life.

But in the next couple weeks, hopefully there will be some snowboarding in this future. There will definitely be some stalking of amazing bookstores in Traverse City, and a day of cross-country skiing followed by a day of questioning the wisdom of cross-country skiing.

Tata for now.

for Caleb

2010-12-14T20:53:00.002-05:00

This post is dedicated to Caleb, my little amazing friend. He turns 4 tomorrow. I eagerly awaited his birth since the day I first knew about it in summer 2006. A tightnit group of Americans working with English-teacher hopefuls in China, we all considered ourselves like aunts and uncles to our own little 'Heartbeat'. Heartbeat turned into a bouncing baby boy, then a beautiful toddler, and now a precocious and boundary-testing 4-year-old.

Although my days are spent working with parents, Caleb reminds me of the joy children bring. Yesterday a sweet 2-year-old died in a bad car accident not far from my home, her little sister will remain unborn, and her mother teeters on the edge of death. I grieve for that situation, and have to stop myself from feeling bitterly toward people (even myself) who complain for things so much smaller than loss of life, and have negative outlooks.

All people are a gift, particularly delightful when they are tiny ones. I'm so thankful that Caleb has come so far, from being a tiny miniscule speck to a couble dozen pounds and so smart, laughing, and smiley. Thank you God for reminding us of joy in the midst of suffering. Wholeheartedly I can't help but believe there is more to our lives than a beating heart that one day stills.

So thank you Caleb. I'm excited to see the person you're growing into.

Insatiable

2010-12-10T22:21:00.003-05:00

This year it seems like winter took a little longer in getting here, but we didn't really notice that it was not until December 1 that there was any significant snowfall to speak of. Someone told me that normally we have had about 8 inches of snowfall in the month of November.

Might explain why now on the 10th of December I am still very excited about the season. It doesn't hurt that skiing, ice skating, and sledding (as well as people to drag along with) are within an arm's grasp. This winter hockey is on the agenda (watching, not necessarily playing) as well as snowboarding.

This little guy wasn't so excited about winter. But I have to admit, he was placed in this position post-mortem. He died in a nice warm(ish) attic!

What's got you excited this weather season?

Christmastime is here

2010-12-08T21:38:00.005-05:00

And this video just makes me smile and cry a little, it's so lovely..

I know it's completely viral and you've probably already seen it, but just in case...this one's for you mom.

NYC Report

2010-11-28T16:00:00.002-05:00

Well, I had a fabulous time in the city that never sleeps, and managed to get a few winks of sleep. Not enough, though, to keep me from getting ill on my return to the homefront. C'est la vie.

Before I forget all the things I did, these things have to be written down!

-Spending a day with an old high school friend and crazily-busy New Yorker Jeff who is a website developer, nonprofit founder and director, and artist of course

-Visiting Little Italy, Chinatown, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, South Seaport, Staten Island, Chelsea, the NY Public Library, American Museum of Natural History, watching the Thanksgiving parade from Times Square...

-Seeing a bible from about the year 900, a first-edition year 1611 King James Bible, 13th century Samaritan Pentateuch, year 1333 edition of the Qur'an and many other pieces at the Three Faiths Abrahamic exhibition at the New York Public Library

-Watching an incredible performance of Uncle Tom's Cabin by the Metropolitan Playhouse. Each person had 2-5 roles and each actor was amazing

-Watching Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind (commonly known as TMLMtBGB which was pretty awesome. Don't worry, they have a more famous troupe in Chicago if you midwesterners want to go. The cost is $10 and the roll of the die!

-Doing a job-shadow at a middle school in the Bronx of my amazing teacher-friend Amber

-Staying up past 3 a 2nd year in a row because of commuting around Manhattan

-BAGELS

-Seeing Wallace Shawn (the Sicilian from The Princess Bride) and some of his friends (Fran Leibowitz, Julianne Moore, Mary-Louise Parker, Josh Hamilton, and others) read some of Shawn's writings at CUNY grad-school from the 4th row

-Ice-skating for free in Bryant Park and dodging the other 200 people on the rink

-Thai food, pizza, Chinese food, baozi, home-made cranberry sauce, Butterball turkey and dinner made by an Albanian :)

-Watching a food cart for the vendor because he had to go to the store (he did come back)

There are just so many fun things that happened. I'm thankful that I can go and do them and have friends in so many different places. It's difficult to live so far away from them sometimes, and impossible to live with them all because everybody's so spread out, but while building community in my little town in Michigan I'm grateful to have friends and family to run to from time to time. So this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for my job, friends, family, and so many colorful experiences that those three things have shaped into something that's called life.

Voting Update

2010-11-15T12:28:00.001-05:00

Kristie WON the Del Monte Teacher Monday contest today!

Just in case anyone who read the voting post was wondering.

Autumn

2010-11-15T12:27:00.002-05:00

This season has me eating lots of soup, starting to run again (ran a mile yesterday), and eagerly anticipating Thanksgiving week in the south Bronx.

:)

VOTE!

2010-11-01T11:47:00.002-04:00

Unless you've been living in a hole (or outside of TVland coverage) you know that it's almost time to see you at the polls. I'm frantically researching who to vote for since I still haven't decided all the people I'm going to vote for.

One person I do know I'm voting for, however, is my cousin, Kristie. She's in a different sort of election. She's an elementary school teacher working on a severely restricted budget in Michigan. She decided to try and get a small grant from Dole to help pay for classroom supplies and fruit for her detectives to snack on.

She's an amazing teacher. Totally fit to the wee ones she educates. So would you be so kind as to click this link and type the letters to validate your humanness? 30 seconds should do it. And you could vote every day if you were so inclined. Or share the link. Or both :)

Vote for Kristie

2010-10-14T12:21:00.002-04:00

It's been a busy month so far, working in the corn and pressing cider. Okay, I only hunted through the corn and waited in line for the cider. But it was time for a post and I've got to go back to work now.

:)

Can you see every step?

2010-10-05T21:37:00.002-04:00

Watch that step...and that one...and that one..., originally uploaded by sarah_laughingguts.

Or just enough?

I've been worried about you...

2010-10-05T21:23:00.003-04:00

That's what Mr. D said to me a couple weeks ago after staff meeting. After seeing the perplexed look on my face, he went on to explain that so often when he first knew me, I was smiling and laughing. Lately he hadn't seen that glow about me.

Hadn't even noticed. Actually, what I noticed was myself feeling a little better lately. The past couple weeks I had worked hard to be more involved, working and playing harder and showing the spark. Granted, this fella doesn't see me that much, but it brought me down a bit to think that for someone who had appeared so nice and encouraging I was beginning to wither and smile with faded eyes.

He encouraged me to make sure I get out there and have fun, because all work and no play makes Sarah a dull girl...So with a smile I told him of my plans for the weekend.

A week later he was laid off.

How quickly things change, don't they? 'Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may die' is a little bit of the feeling we have when others we grow to depend on (or ourselves) get laid off/fired/given life-altering news.

So I'm encouraged to remember what's important. To act when thoughts come, not just to simmer on them until the outcome is highly likely to be exactly what I desire. Because we all know there's not enough time in the world for all that. So carpe diem. Make sure you take hold of that day you have, figure out what you're supposed to do with it, and do that. And again tomorrow. And again tomorrow.

ArtPrize Grand Rapids

2010-09-29T21:08:00.002-04:00

This year I made it to the show at least once. This weekend is the final weekend of ArtPrize, where 1700+ artists are showcasing their best in hopes of being chosen by the viewer to win the $250,000 prize. It's an amazing show. It can be a little difficult to discuss an artist's work while they're right there ready to tell you all about themselves and what their piece represents. The real bummer, though, is that you have to register in person to be able to vote. The first week we have been able to vote up or down for any work at all. The 2nd week each registered voter has only one vote to use for the top 10 finalists. ONE vote!

It's amazing.

Go see!

ArtPrize

Dedicated to Jack Horkheimer

2010-09-24T23:15:00.002-04:00

One of the unfortunate things about not watching the daily news and focusing on international news is that some memorable events are missed. Like Jack Horkheimer's passing on, unknown to me until this evening. The Star Hustler hustled me right into awe of the starry night - well, the ability to focus on certain happenings in that starry night, anyway. I watched his last episode and noticed he did sound pretty raspy. But that legendary enthusiasm still shone through.

His epitaph, which he wrote years ago for himself:

"Keep Looking Up" was my life's admonition;
I can do little else in my present position.

Goodbye Jack!

Martin family

2010-09-21T21:38:00.004-04:00

My great grandmother Bernice (Weiss) Gable 1895-1976 is mentioned at the tail end of my ancestors lineage in this book. It details Martin history from before coming to New England in 1635 and the Martins who helped found a colony there, all the way to Posey Chapel in Three Oaks, Michigan back in 1840, just shortly after Michigan became a state in the Union!

Alice Martin died at age 91 in 1870. And here I thought we've been living longer and longer. It's incredible to see the amounts of time some of my ancestors have lived. And the amounts of children that they have!

September

2010-09-02T19:03:00.002-04:00

Is it really 9 months of the way through 2010? I can remember the days when I thought the 2000s were so very far away. A weird little kid, that girl who wondered if she would see the world at all like Laura Ingalls, who saw the turn of a century, and Helen Keller, who also experience the turn of the century. She actually was born in 1880, just about 100 years my senior. What did they think about the changing world? How would they be coping with such drastic changes like television, internet, cell phones, texting? Would Helen have had that surgery that reconnects your vision to your brain? She was so incredibly intelligent.

There's so much to learn!

Weekend in August

2010-08-31T07:30:00.001-04:00

Marisa Jealous Pic, originally uploaded by sarah_laughingguts.

This past weekend nuptials took place in this location. We drove to Marquette, MI then 20 minutes further north and down a dirt road. Then we abandoned the cars for a 10 minute trail in the woods to come out on rocks overlooking the pond seen in this picture.

It was lovely.

Weekend in August

2010-08-25T07:40:00.001-04:00

sunset, originally uploaded by sarah_laughingguts.

I can hardly wait

:)

Fear

2010-08-22T21:32:00.002-04:00

I listened to the words of a song by Mat Kearney this evening:

Closer To Love

She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away

She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees

I wonder if people really think about this? In the quiet moments I find myself dreading a bad phone call that will change my life in one single moment. But maybe it will be a single good phone call. There's this feeling that it's going to happen, probably more than once in a lifetime. Those turning-points can sometimes be pinpointed to one clear moment, can't they? Are you thinking of a moment?

Riding yawn Part II

2010-08-18T21:32:00.003-04:00

Alright, the story: rode over the mighty I-94 to the PCBP and saw many interesting things, mostly in the people and dog department. So many dogs are teeny-tiny! I don't really think I'd want a super small one. Or maybe I just felt really tall because of zooming by on a bike?

Who knows.

Anyway, I had my helmet with me because when I was 12 I was in a mysterious accident and not wearing a helmet. Went to the hospital via ambulance, apparently, thought I was dying, and repeatedly told my father that I loved him. What I remember is pulling out of school and then waking up the next morning wondering why I was in the guest bedroom downstairs.

So the helmet was with me. Since the ride started out in a slow residential area, I was cool and not wearing it. Until I found myself on a 5-lane highway going 20 miles an hour, I remained cool, then became stupid as I realized how fast I was going and how much faster (and disconcertingly close in spite of a well-marked bike path section) cars were driving by me.

I'm no stranger to crazy bike/auto closeness. My very first bike ride on the road in China resulted in an accident. Not mine, but someone who didn't realize I was a 'laowai' foreigner being careful. Yep. Caused an accident. We'll not go into details now as to how it ended. Not one of my proudest moments. Let's just say I wasn't taken by the police for questioning as I was terrified might happen.

Anyway, I'm now exhausted with a satisfied belly and clean hair!

Riding Part I

2010-08-18T17:51:00.002-04:00

I've lived here for too long now to have a good excuse for not having ridden about town yet on the bike. Last year I probably logged 200 miles in the summer riding about the Amish countryside, getting berries, over the hills to grandmother's house. And now it's past the middle of August. Haven't been out on the bike once other than a test ride for possible chain fall-off check.

:)

So this is it. It's a bad post, I know, since not much time has been spent on it, but I'll share with you my favorite pandora radio station, how about that? It's totally free and if you've not been introduced allow me. Type in the name of a couple songs or bands and the station takes off, playing music the system thinks you'll like. You're welcome to skip a number of times, give thumbs up and thumbs down, and the station gets 'smarter' accordingly.

I love it.

You'll hear from me post-endorphinized.

Recovery

2010-08-14T22:15:00.003-04:00

Physical recovery is pretty boring work, I think. Sure, there's some exercise you can do, but what I'd like to do is run around town - state - midwest.. Got to put down some more roots though. I know Kalamazoo isn't that difficult. Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself of that.

My work is going well, albeit exhaustingly. Now that I have the internet at home it's going to be easier to go home at closing time but more difficult to let my personal computer continue to be used exclusively for personal and not employment use.

But back to recovery. I went to the doctor on Thursday. He told me that when I find a doctor in my new home it's not likely that there will be much in my chart (which is about 1/2" thick if that) that will be really useful for them. My last visit had been for scabies which had been got in China in 2006. I was so embarrassed at the time. Anyway, pretty much all that bulk was from my medically uneventful and healthy childhood.

I'm glad to have been relatively healthy outside of that little major back surgery thing 13 years ago, but it has made dealing with sickness more difficult - for me, anyway. People who are sick more often have to have learned how to cope better than me! Or they've got to be truly miserable. Since I returned from China in '06 I've experienced facial woes like I'd never had before. It's probably from that fateful day we ate at the fancy vegetarian restaurant where they made fake chicken fingers out of tofu. Just the annoying kind that most teenagers learn to deal with. Never had to wash my face much outside of showering, and I didn't know what I was being blessed with! Now I have to wash with Aquaphor twice a day. And since Africa the allergies seem to have increased too. Hardly ever had hayfever before. Must be getting old quicklier ;-)

One nice thing about this recovery thing has been the 1 month subscription to Netflix. It's been so nice to just lay around watching movies. Scratch that. I've Loved watching the Firefly series for the first time and can't wait to be with friends who love it more than I to watch Serenity.

back again

2010-08-12T19:49:00.000-04:00

After 10 years away from the hospital, I decided to make a little visit on a account of a little kidney stone last week.

And still I am recovering! Sheesh. I'm done with this. Hopefully tomorrow will be a first full day of work for the week. Reward? 2 days off. Sigh.

More later.

Spoiled

2010-06-15T19:00:00.002-04:00

Moving to a new apartment with a malfunctioning computer resulted in my choice not to get internet access quite yet. Good thing, in a way, because it reopened my eyes to what it's like to be 'net-less at home. The days go by so quickly, and are so concentrated on the here and now, that although I do miss the easy ability to send an email to someone overseas or see pictures of another friend's latest adventure, I don't miss the way it really sucked my life up in blocks of time I didn't even realize had passed.

That said, the computer is pretty much brand-new again and I'm overjoyed that I can get my homework done and keep my music up loud while typing! Once I get it, that is. Another week or two and I'll probably even have the internet again. Dang, it was hard not being able to type my thoughts out - I had to relent to pen and paper methods :)

So I'm sorry, friend, if you have felt I've been gone. I have. Not just for you. But things are falling into place and after my cousin's wedding this weekend in Louisville and the audit next month I am sure things will calm down. I can just feel it.

;-)

The new job

2010-05-16T16:08:00.002-04:00

I was talking to a friend last night who asked me if the rest of the world is like our lives in camping-world.

There are yes's and no's, of course. What you gain in having a life outside of your camping life is the need to work harder to build friendships. In camping, everyone (okay, almost everyone) wants to know you - who you are, where you came from, what's your story. But when I left that world (and the world of my hometown) it's conceivable to spend days without significant conversation outside of work. People are wrapped up in their activities, raising their kids, making the paycheck stretch, doing a couple things they like with mostly the same set of people week in and week out.

I thought it was just a small-town problem I had, breaking into the rhythm just about everyone else was already flowing with. But of course, it's something everyone faces who moves.

It just seems more difficult when you have come recently from such a close-knit lifestyle.

Another thing you do get, though, is space to breathe. Time to think outside the 'tyranny of the urgent' as one of my favorite people likes to say.

That said, my job in particular still holds some of that 'tyranny of the urgent' while I'm at work. We still will stop everything to focus on one thing together from time to time, as a catastrophe looms over us. I'm smiling as I think about its similarity to camping, where each day of the summer could affect someone's life for years afterward. This is the start of my 2nd summer outside of that world, but those memories sure are continuing to affect me.

There are so many things I'd like to get involved with now that I have the time and commitment to stay in this place awhile. So many, that I'm stymied in figuring out which one to grab hold of first.

Until next time!

Dad ~ 10/5/1956-4/27/2006

2010-04-26T21:44:00.004-04:00

He was such a cutie.

Really?

2010-03-22T21:33:00.003-04:00

It seems that writing has become more difficult. When I go on vacation it is easier to set aside time to write. But living in-between makes it more challenging. Lately my focus has been more on finances and fitness.

On the financial end, I am really enjoying managing my funds. What an odd duck. And beginning to see a retirement account rise up has been fun. Allocating, setting aside, watching it grow a little..I digress.

And on the fitness end things are also going well. For several months now I have had an average of 2-4 workouts per week, and last month began running with success. Hopefully the end of this spring there will be a 5K race! Once moved to Kalamazoo, I hope this will become easier to manage, especially since it's getting warm and therefore less hassle to get out and RUN.

That leads us to the writing, however. The writing has got to increase. If this dream of doing something with writing is to ever go anywhere, it has got to become more polished. And I do so hate editing. But not yet will I focus on that. First comes the substance. The actual getting-thoughts-down-on-screen. So here's an exercise...a tidbit on the book I'm diving into currently:

Beneath a Marble Sky (BAMS from here on out) is the text, and I am reading it for a book club. Not so sure I'll finish before we meet next, but here's hoping. After finishing this post that's exactly where I'm going; to get my nose in those pages!

Anyway, BAMS is a fictionalized account regarding the building of the Taj Mahal. I'm realizing what a sucker I am for culturally-different writing. I love doing exactly what the princess has tried to do since taught by her mother as a child: imagining what you would do if you were someone else. And therefore how to act in order to see the results you deem most fitting. I'm not that conniving, of course ;-)

BAMS drove me nuts at first because the point of view is from a 12-year-old princess. But it's written by a man who I don't believe is from India. It seemed fake. But who am I (girl from a small-town who dabbles internationally) to know what really is fake concerning this historical fiction?

So I continued with John Shors' words. And glad I did. Princess Jahanara soon gained a few years and grew into her pretentious speech. I'm only 2/3 of the way through, but it's a bittersweet tale of passion and duty fighting for control in the royal family and the building of the Taj Mahal - well, in the mind of the princess, anyway. It's no longer a chore to keep turning the pages.

Well, I'm off to put my nose you-know-where!

Newses

2010-03-12T18:46:00.003-05:00

Started the new job this week! And it took me 4 different sites in a mere 5 days - which could have been 5 had I done orientation this week instead of last week :)

Here's hoping I'm not a new-job-junkie, but I really enjoy being the semi-new gal on the block. It's interesting to note how the energy level significantly drops upon beginning a new venture then increases as the days pass and you get more acclimated.

Reach

2010-03-08T17:55:00.001-05:00

Reach, originally uploaded by sarah_laughingguts.

This is the reason for my silence the past week.

I've been out chasing kites on the edge of the Pacific!

Like Dora from Finding Nemo

2010-02-27T15:26:00.003-05:00

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...swimming, swimming

And so I'm writing again, although I really don't want to be doing this on a Saturday afternoon. I'd much rather be reading Blood Brothers.

I've got some laundry in the wash and am getting ready for a quick little trip to Portland, Oregon. It also happens to be in my top-5 list of places in the US I would live if one could be chosen based upon how much I like the area. Portland, unfortunately, is situated 4 hours' plane ride and 2.5 hours' car drive away from most of my family in Michigan. And it's cloudy there a lot. Those are two big negatives in my mind. But on the positive side, it's not too far from the ocean, it's in the mountains, a few of my most favorite people live there, and the cultural scene is simply fantastic (Powell's, anyone?). It's definitely one of the most cycle-friendly cities ever; I am also a huge fan of the great job Portland has done on public transportation.

And the hunt for a home in Kalamazoo continues. I'm a little gun-shy since the longest I've lived in any area since graduating high school is 1.5 years and at this point I have been living in southwest Michigan now for a year. So buying is definitely not in my sights.

Will I bolt? No, probably not. But I'll definitely be hard pressed to not dream and scheme of ways to go away again. Here's to finding a healthy mix of travel, study, work, play, community, and solitude!

Preview - soon to be renamed

2010-02-24T22:15:00.002-05:00

My next blog is going to be about processes.

I like to think that I'm all spontaneous and change plans/adapt at the drop of the hat. And it's true, I do think, that I will flex pretty easily. But more and more, it seems, plans need to be made (which are highly-open-to-be-adaptable) which take much longer than a few hours.

My current plan in place is one of caretaker independence. Every time I leave my hometown I get this sense of incredible glee.

And yet again we are on the cusp of one such occurrence. In a few weeks I am moving an hour's drive north to the great city of Kalamazoo. Each time it has been different, but each time including growth. Even the moving back to the hometown, slow as I am to admit it, has included growth in its experience.

So more to come on that note. I'm too tired to carry on tonight in this vein of thought.

:)

Practice, Practice, Practice

2010-02-22T20:43:00.002-05:00

I've always wanted to 'be a writer'. And I decided long ago that I'm really not. I listened to those people who said you either are or you aren't. If you don't have the need to write... the feeling that you'd simply not be able to exist without writing, then, you're not a writer. No need to think further.

And so I discounted myself. Sure, I have abilities in the writing area. It's usually pretty easy for me to BS my way through things with writing. Or to answer questions in thoughtfully written prose. But actually being dedicated to it, spending time to research, to creatively write, and that dreaded word: EDIT are not things I would like to dwell on if I had the opportunity.

Because let's face it, I've had the opportunity. I lived in the upper peninsula of Michigan for one very long dark and cold winter, on the edge of a protected bay 8 miles from town. What did I do? I read. MEL was my best friend. In fact, he just may be my ticket. Maybe I can convince the State of Michigan's program developers for MEL to hire me.

Well anyway, regardless of what happens in that department, I am going to be more dedicated to writing at the least on this blog. One of the things Steven King wrote in his book On Writing was the importance of practice.

So if there's something that you want to do, my friend, go and do it. And don't be discouraged that you're not great at it from the start. If you enjoy it, then, at the very least you've found something you enjoy. Take it from a beginning runner: you can't run a mile at the start. But after a month or two, you can.

I have.

On the move.. again!

2010-02-17T20:38:00.004-05:00

It's still hazy, and the way is treacherous, but the way is up and there has got to be a top to this mountain!

The last time I made a big move was over a year ago now. And I didn't intend this 'pitstop' to be quite so long. After returning to the states after being gone for a couple months (and sort of missing the whole economy fall-apart and unemployment skyrocketing) my own lack of employment brought me up to speed pretty quickly.

So when I got a decently (albeit part-time) paying job in employment services, I was just glad to have a job. Then I was very pleasantly surprised to see that my main employment goal (a great work environment) was also met. Then I was so glad to find out I actually enjoyed what the job was. I helped people with minimal unemployment questions, pointed them in some directions toward employment, and directed them toward skills for getting said employment. Can anyone say computer skilz? Yep. I taught basic computer classes! Networking! And introduced many to the wonders of indeed.com.

So when my mother had some big health issues come up, I was glad to be near enough to her to not have to stop everything I was doing to go help. The part-time and very understanding employer gave me the time needed to be present for her needs too. And the past couple months we've been on the upswing toward wellness.

Then comes today. After months and months of searching online for jobs for other folks, I found a couple that I wanted to jump after myself. And through some naturally forged connections that the job made possible, I landed a good one.

So next Friday we're having a breakfast party (one of my favorite kinds!) and my dear coworkers are saying farewell as I move to the office up the street. I'm looking for a place in the Zoo and looking forward to helping a new set of people. This time they're mandated to come to me for case management, and since most of them come from generations of low-income city families, it's going to be quite the learning curve for me to come to a place where we 'get' one another.

Bring it.

Social Networking and Online Branding for Joe Shmoe

2010-02-08T13:26:00.002-05:00

This is the title of my employment readiness workshop. Lately in my spare time at work (hah!) I have been surfing around a bit on LinkedIn and BrazenCareerist to understand a little more about this networking business.

Sure, I've been doing it for years through minimal blogging here, keeping up a photo site, and emailing; but really, I just started wading into the waters, reading blogs (from friends, friends' friends, and the generally interesting blogger) and occasionally commenting.

So I put it out there myself.. If you were to present to a group of dislocated workers (probably in their 30s-60s) a discussion or presentation regarding social networking, what would you do with it? Hit 'em with a lot of facts? Show them what a personal page or online professional profile looks like?

Trees

2010-02-01T20:17:00.001-05:00

IMG_4966, originally uploaded by sarah_laughingguts.

Oh, how I love beautiful trees. In my symbol-loving mind, when I think about trees, I think about interconnectedness, the need for light to grow, and the beauty of creation.

Which makes me think about where I want my own tree to grow. There has always been in me an awareness of root structure. Where your base is, your roots grow.

And the more you replant, the wider and shallower your root system. My roots are based in my hometown and the places my extended family lived while I was growing up. But my roots have branched out widely, dipping into China, Tanzania, the Upper Peninsula, southern Ohio...

Now, it seems, we come to another branch growth. Where to spend the next period of time's focus? Knowing as I get older, it might get harder to leave?

Questions aside, I still revel in the beauty of the tree. Those unexpected branches, those twists of vibrant persistence, that healthy above-ground vision that hides an intense network of undergrowth deep down.

(o:

A favorite.

2010-01-22T21:45:00.002-05:00

Pop White died this week. 88 years young. I don't think he really liked getting older. Especially when they told him he simply must cut back on salt intake. Goodness, the stories.. He left behind 10 children (two sets of twins!), 41 grandchildren (maybe some more twins?), 63 great-grandchildren (more twins??), and even a great-great grand-kiddo here.

What a legacy. I can hardly imagine having that many descendants while I'm still alive. Certainly would not be able to keep track of all those names and ages. Because really it's more like double those numbers. Because that doesn't include his 3 brothers' and 3 sisters' families, or all those spouses that had a hand in making all those little ones make their way into the world.

What I can see for certain, though, is this outlook, printed in his service folder:

My life is not
a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and
well-preserved body.

But rather,
I will skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up,
totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming...

Wow! What a ride!

...and they finally opened the gates !

Hrm.

2010-01-14T22:28:00.002-05:00

Well not so much happened in the 'figuring out last year' end of things this week.

BUT there was an upswing in mood. FInally! Praise the Lord, dark feelings don't last forever. It only feels like it might possibly while in the midst of it :)

In sad news, there's Haiti and the many families stranded from loved ones, both permanently and temporarily in this world. There's a part of me that feels guilty for being glad the family and friends of the people I know live way over in Ouanaminthe.

The Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. I know it sounds crazy. :)

Goal

2010-01-03T21:25:00.000-05:00

This week, I intend to examine the past year. From that information, I intend to plan for the year to come.

Glad the 'holidays' are over. Except today I heard a commercial for Valentine's Day. Oh dear.

Remember.

2009-12-24T22:55:00.000-05:00

NO man is a failure who has friends.

Thanks It's a Wonderful Life.

How long will the deferral last?

2009-12-24T22:20:00.000-05:00

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Time for a good picture.

2009-12-13T13:42:00.003-05:00

sometimes i wonder

2009-12-10T18:41:00.001-05:00

Sometimes in my days, in particular the last few, that is:

I wonder if a manic bipolar state is ever permanent for anyone. How in the world can folks refuse to take their medicine if it causes them extreme delusions like those I've seen? And I know I've not seen the worst.

God bless those who work in mental hospitals, on psychiatric units, and daily with those living through grand and terrible psychoses.

Purple Flowers: a world through rose-colored glasses

2009-12-06T22:45:00.000-05:00

It's the imagined title of a book I sometimes write in my head about the story of an only child of a bipolar mother and a late father who yearns.

Someday :)

Terribly Exciting!

2009-11-07T20:11:00.003-05:00

So what's new? Not much - more cleaning and researching what to learn next! Language? History of a region where I might move to in the next couple years? auditing a college course for free on oercommons.org??

Until I figure that out, though, when not reading Middlesex (awesome website, by the way, gives you one place to look for lots of different reviews and compiles them) or Africa: Altered States, Ordinary Miracles (this one is a social networking site for readers and gives short reviews from Joe Shmoe) I've been spending time learning personal finance and how to invest. Knew I'd be opening pandora's box, but there it is. 25 and getting a handle on retirement/investing/saving/paying off school debts!

There are SOOO many places to look. It's kind of fun to research at the library. I've never really looked into something that was current where I had to do research. Whereas in literature you're looking at old reviews in books and literary magazines (the way I researched anyway, and I didn't really have a penchant for it...I like just reading the text and discussing it in person), in this case the research is on websites and current popular magazines as well as what I'm used to. Add in the fact that my library and I are at odds currently (they say I have fines for not letting them know I renewed MEL books on my own before they went overdue) the only time I can use library materials is in person rather than checking more out. Sigh. If only I didn't have to be somewhere else during most of the hours they're open!

So my favorite picks so far: hard-copy of Money which assumes for the most part that I have a lot of money, Get Rich Slowly which doesn't assume, The Simple Dollar a good starting point, and even Suze Orman's 2009 Action Plan which was a quick leaf-through but definitely helpful with question/answer sections from a proven expert in personal finance.

Yep. That's what I'm up to. Figuring out whether to head toward max-out contributions for Roth-IRA and 401k and how much, exactly should be set aside as an emergency fund. Still trying to understand possible investing past retirement funds. Maybe I'm too poor for that just yet. I'll stick with my INGDirect savings account at 1.3%!

Cleaning

2009-11-01T19:42:00.003-05:00

From 2000, age 16... My personal favorite is my view of what my mind, parent's mind, friend's mind, and teacher's mind looks like!

What is the first thing you remember learning?
tying my shoelaces for my kindergarten teacher

If you won the lottery guaranteeing you $1000/week for life, how would you spend the first $1,000?
Rend a car and take some friends around the country. Use rest of money for gas, food, and accommodations.

Complete the statement:

My mind is like a... rainforest, wild with unexpected treasures (memories) hidden throughout
My parent's mind is like a... prarie (rich life in the grass)
My best friend's mind is like a... secret door
My teacher's mind is like a... window

If you ever wrote a book, what would be its title?
Remember When...

If you could change your first name to any other name, what would it be?
I wouldn't change it. Stay Sarah

What's the hardest thing you've ever tried and actually accomplished?
Tried out for a high school play and got a good part.

What are two goals that you would like to accomplish this year?
I'd like to get a job and find out what I'll do after HS.

Who do you trust the most?
God

Which of these ideas is the most important in your life today:
Love, truth, time, change or freedom?
You're nothing without love. Love is the biggest reason you could have for living, whether it be being loved, loving others, or loving yourself for what you are.

smile

2009-09-29T19:55:00.000-04:00

Whew

2009-09-17T18:36:00.003-04:00

I've been neglecting much writing of any kind lately. Not that I've been particularly busy; I don't know quite what it is. Except that it's probably not depression. I know some people mark their happiness or unhappiness by how much they're writing. And I've been writing in journal-form since about the age of 10. But there are phases. Heavy-writing and non-heavy-writing. I used to think it was linked to happiness.

Now, rather, I believe it's linked to sunlight and community.

My community as of late was been my workplace crowd and the bits and pieces of scattered friends and family around the globe. The friends and family one has been lagging. Always the one to be good at keeping in touch, it's odd not to be that person. Just got exhausting and maybe some self-esteem built up for myself. No longer do I need those connections to feel secure in myself. It's nice to mature sometimes. If indeed that's what it is.

Sigh.

Although not written down, there have been a myriad of thoughts swirling in my brain. About the near future, about the friends and relationships changing, about the distant future. So many are getting married. I hope, hope, hope, that they don't follow the route more than half the population in the US is following, and divorcing. But being real, there must be some that will. My people are not an exception to the rule, no matter how I hope. And so I'm wondering who will be having kids then divorcing, remarrying, divorcing again. And who will divorce before children. Talk a out a downer.

Then there's the thought, what if this generation is will act differently? What if, because of war and young men and women dying overseas as the norm, 9/11, economistic woe, and a general negativity toward marriage, makes us more likely to be committed to marriage relationships (when and if we do finally dive in) than our older examples?

Maybe I'm just trying to justify my hope.

:)

Things

2009-09-08T19:55:00.002-04:00

The memory of what happened around this picture and this picture makes me very, very happy.

Hunting for beachglass in Kenosha and giggling at silly kiddie pictures of Ryan and Catie in Milwaukee... And to top it all off, dessert of the best apple pie in America with Susan in Chicago.

Doesn't get much better than that. Unless you add what happened this weekend!

MEL Books

2009-08-16T20:45:00.005-04:00

I have a date with Michigan Electronic Library yet again tonight, with special guest Amazon. Amazon helps me choose the best dishes, and MEL serves them up like an excellent chef.

Tonight I have a hankering for Julia Child specials. Julie & Julia and My Life in France, for starters. Then we might delve into some necessary studious vegetable options regarding Parkinsonism. A little less delightful than The Joy of French Cooking, but it is what it is.

Speaking of books, here's the last and most delightful one I bought, being devoured by the most handsome 2 1/2 year-old dude I know:

My family

2009-08-04T21:48:00.002-04:00

My great aunt has 5 children, 20 grandchildren, and 20 great-grandchildren.

I have an Uncle Doc. He's great.

One of my cousins is having twins.

My grandparents have been married over 60 years.

I recently found out some of my great (7 greats, that is) grandparents were Isaac Martin and Phoebe Webb Harland, Wendelimus Schneider, Matthew Adams and Mary Undersee. They all lived in the mid-1700s.

The familial saga continues.

2009-07-30T19:22:00.005-04:00

Make note of the first, second, and third sketch; then notice how the first and second, third, and fourth photo mirror the first images!

Uploading to YouTube

2009-07-13T21:48:00.001-04:00

Finally, after half a year and more, a few of my videos are coming up on YouTube.

Like the monkeys.

Looking at little Binti dancing in Amba's kitchen, taking another tour of her house, even looking at some old college videos has me smiling with delight. It's so wonderful to look back and remember what great times I've already had with dear friends.

For instance, there was this one time all my classes for the day were canceled due to hail and ice. Of course I had already walked halfway to my building before hearing that...but I was able to capture the sparkle since my camera was always with me!

And there was another time friends at Cedar Campus filled the camp van with more people than I had thought was humanly possible.

I've worked with some great people so far. I hope the next 25 years brings even better memories! Some people claim that the best times of their lives were high school, or college, or right after. I hope that I'm not able to say the same. There's a lot of living and a lot more to do with the wisdom and experience that are yet to come, I'm pretty much sure of it!

Surrounded!

2009-07-08T19:00:00.003-04:00

It seems I am surrounded by people getting married or having babies (or both..)

Which is normal, given my 20-something age. The odd thing in my thoughts, however, is the fact that so many are becoming younger and younger. A tad frightening.

They all look so happy in their cute little facebook pictures, and gush so prettily. And I'm happy for them. I am! But I am also so not there.

The exciting thing in my life right now is trying to figure out when I can make my way south to Houston and visit cousins, or east to New York and visit Ambakisiye. Good place to be in, if you ask me!

In some ways, travel becomes more expensive - since you have to book plane tickets for two. But if you're driving, it's cheaper, because you can cut the cost in two. You also don't get the quiet and the ability to belt out those songs on the radio, though (you know, the ones where they keep changing the words you're sure you knew...)

The fact remains, though; I'm surrounded by matrimonious relationships and babies. Singles, don't all leave me in the dust, please!

Yesterday

2009-07-06T09:30:00.005-04:00

Spoiler: This will be a rather lame post. I'm really just delaying my need to get dressed for work this morning. And enjoying having time to breathe before getting in there, like last week. Starting the workday at 8am is harsh for Silly Sarah.

Yesterday I had a fantastic time doing absolutely nothing except surf and watch a season of sitcom on dvd, a good way to recover from a day with the extended family and their friends, a combined reunion/birthday/anniversary/birthday/independence day celebration.

The biggest task now? Figuring out which weekend goes where - PVM, C+C, Chicago, Detroit.. but the weekend of August 7 is sorted out! I'm one of the happiest passengers to Portland, OR for a delightful little wedding in the west and introduction to a new member of the family.

Hills

2009-06-20T21:38:00.002-04:00

I rode up the steepest hill today. Just about killed me. I had to get off the bike halfway up and walk the rest of the way, it was so long and grueling. Made me feel like such a twerp of a rider. And as I was walking, still getting out of breath, I was deciding that this hill would be nice to come down but I was never, ever, ever coming back this way again. The hill just wasn't worth it.

But when I got to the top, there was an equally satisfying descent.

And all my plans changed. I just might have decided to go that way every time, because even though there's great cost to my fragile little ego in the climb, there's incredible reward in the 30 mile per hour + coast down the other side.

Seems to me that might just be the key to enjoying fitness. For me, anyway, the tougher it beats me up and pays me back, the more I appreciate it.

But tomorrow I might just take a break from riding...

2nd time

2009-06-15T20:16:00.003-04:00

So today I hop in the car without my sandals on because I left them in the back seat earlier this weekend.

I drive to work, glad to have free feet (it's easier to shift without those particular sandals on.

Get to work, look behind me, and no sandals.

But...joke's on me (yes, for the 2nd time) since they're under my blanket back there...

HAH!

Status

2009-06-13T19:13:00.003-04:00

I don't quite know what to do with myself when there is unscheduled downtime. Unless it's read a good book...

And after this week's over-read night (I got to sleep after 3:30) I'm taking a break from reading.

Can't even go out for a ride - there's no sun out there and after 3+ hours walking in the Relay for Life last night, biking probably wouldn't be a good idea :)

Maybe I'll...organize my book collection?

Goal

2009-06-06T21:04:00.002-04:00

I'm pretty sure I haven't blogged about this yet, but since biking around at Cedar in the summer/spring/fall, I've decided that this form of physical exercise is very enjoyable to me, mostly for the following reasons:

Cycling is much better for the knees and my metalrod scoliotic back than running
Since I shouldn't really be running but still like being cooled by speed, walking isn't enough but biking is way better
You can go farther biking and feel more accomplishment. A long ride for me right now is 20 miles
It smells so good to be outside (unless allergies drive you inside, I really have a hard time understanding why people choose the gym)
Even when it's hot out, if you're biking it feels cooler!
As a form of transportation it's much cheaper than driving, especially around town. Problem is nighttime...

And now the local fresh strawberries call. More later!

Only 5 pages in!

2009-06-05T18:40:00.002-04:00

And already I have a favorite line. In the book Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, Gordon Livingston talks about Kindness: "This most desirable of virtues governs all the others, including a capacity for empathy and love. Like other forms of art, we may find it hard to define, but when we are in its presence, we feel it."

Food for thought.

Naturalization

2009-05-28T21:07:00.003-04:00

She has her books...

2009-05-26T19:16:00.002-04:00

I had my books, stacks and stacks of them. I kept them beside my bed, hauled them and myself to the library on my bike, and read there for hours until I felt as if I'd emerged as a distinctly different person from the one who had parked at the front door. You could disappear there; make sure your old self never came back. --Daughter of the Queen of Sheba by Jacki Lyden

You know, I think the outdoors can be like a library as well. Sometimes, when I'm riding through the countryside. The places those smells, those sights...they just take hold and sweep you away sometimes, don't they?

I was sorry to see the spring slip away from me, but glad to find that the coming of summer brings more delightful scents.

And those great Midwestern USA thunderstorms!

2009-05-23T01:31:00.002-04:00

It was jean day at work today. I had to pay $3 toward Relay for Life in order to feel like my normal casual jean-wearing self.

Felt great.

How long can I submit to this culture, though? (Probably quite awhile.)

Good thing it becomes bike-time and play-in-the-pool-time and sweatshirt-culture outside of work!

New Ground

2009-05-18T20:40:00.000-04:00

I'm in a place I've never been to before...

In a job, in a place that I could realistically imagine staying more than a year or two..

There was college, volunteering, part-time jobs, doing the camp thing for over a year, then traipsing about the world a few months!

Which brings us to now. Now, in a job where I'm not the youngest person present nor the lowest on the totem pole of staff. I have a computer, a desk, a personal phone number, and responsibility! Most of the people I work with have been there for years. Not working in my hometown is a nice change of perspective.

Kalamazoo is a bigger little town than I've given it credit for. I feel a bit landlocked here, but with the opportunity to maybe work my way up to biking to lake Michigan this summer, the water feels closer even if it's not. :o) I've gone 20 miles a couple days this week, we're getting there slowly but surely.

I've never been in this place. People here, as a whole, are settled. I think that's the difference between what I experienced at PVM, Cedar (school and camp in general) and here. People come and go, yes, but Summer and Winter aren't so drastically different people/socially. I lucked out and still am working on summer programming, although it's less than I've worked on 'summer' things for over 7 years!

Happy day to you too.

Weekend!

2009-05-10T19:52:00.005-04:00

This post is dedicated to the weekend and thoughts of how wonderful it is to be on the water in springtime with a friend.

Ilene and I walked on the riverfront this weekend, and that just makes me want to live in a city all over again. We visited an amazing place which popped up on our walk, ate incredible Indian and Middle-Eastern foods, and I loved the fact that I got great coffee for 25 cents because it was world fair-trade day.

Didn't even matter that it was graduation weekend, because we discovered the 40s station on Sirius.

Dad would be proud

2009-05-07T22:36:00.002-04:00

So many things are going well at the moment. I'm soaking it up.

Tonight the only thing that's wrong is my most recent book was a huge letdown when I finished it last night.

On the good side, though, I have a bike to ride. Hopefully the old one is still seeing some good action up north at Cedar. It's very good that I have a bike now, because this is going to be my main mode of exercise and town transportation for the summer. Might even be my means of travel to work some too!

Today was a beautiful day and I was able to keep the window down and let the hair fly on the way home from a long day at work.

Willow and Silla only bark/jump a couple times when I come in the door now. They're growing on me. Being a cat person, I at least tolerate dogs but definitely prefer the quietness, purring, and independence of cats. These gals are good ones.

But what dad would be most proud of is my management of finances. Of course I can't go into much detail with it because I'm too private for that, but doing well with savings, insurance, income, and the paying off of those darned school loans are going great!

All this in the face of the people I work with - many who've lost jobs and many who are losing hope for a new job soon.

I'm blessed not just because things are going so well - but all this stuff adds together to make it easier to help others.

3 years

2009-04-25T15:56:00.005-04:00

Today marks 3 years since my last day oncampus as a student of CMU. Three years ago my plans were to work my butt off for the 4-day weekend and finish my heart-attack of a paper, attend a wedding shower, and somehow write and edit a monstrous amount of pages in a ridiculous amount of time.

But I woke up to a policeman practically beating my door down. And down with the door came news of my dad's sudden death.

Home I went. Adrift I went. Moved ahead with plans to travel and study in China for 6 months that fall. And returned again to finish that dratted paper, finally. Before the finish, I began to work at Cedar Campus as an intern. I ended up joining staff later and staying through two summers. It was a good place to heal, apart from the many memories left behind in my hometown.

A delightful detour to Africa and Europe, then I came back to this place. This house where my father lived the last 22 years of his life.

After a couple months of confusion about immediate future (thank you economic depression) I'm feeling back. I've got a job, a couple friends nearby, family, and it's finally spring in this place!

One little life, but God's brought me through a lot. There's still life after loved ones depart. I still miss him most days, even wonder if that car outside is him getting home; but missing 'em is one of the proofs that you love 'em isn't it?

Older and wiser, I hope. Wonder what's going to be coming around the corner?

Bring it!

Confession

2009-04-18T19:08:00.003-04:00

I know that many people are annoyed by dog-eared books, and it's considered rude to do this to books which are not your own. But for myself, I don't mind. I less than don't mind; a dog-eared page to me is a sign of a treasure-hunt. Much of the time dog-earing is done only to hold the place for a page, but I always wonder - is it for some other reason? Was there a great line on this page? Especially if the dog-ear is not on the upper right side. Particularly if it's the bottom of the page.

So without further ado here are a couple of the memorable moments I deem most notable from books 5 and 6 of the Lord of the Rings. Otherwise known as The Return of the King!

The first one comes when Sam and Frodo are in the land of Mordor, and the darkness increases moment by moment as they come closer to the fire and the end of their barely conceivable mission. Sam sees a white star twinkle. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach. I can see a direct corelation to some of the things we see here on earth and the way I view goodness and God's love. It's something that only seems a twinkle at times. But it can't be winked out by something like hunger, family heartache, or war. Massive problems, yes, but bad as they are, there remains light.

And the second one comes after the ring has perished in the fire and Sam and Frodo are being honored by all the warriors. Sam had dreamed often of the idea that someday songs would be sung about the war of the Ring and their part in it. But I don't think ever thought it truly would happen for his ears to hear! When Sam heard that he laughed aloud for sheer delight, and he stood up and cried: "O great glory and splendour! And all my wishes have come true!" And he wept. And all the host laughed and wept, and in the midst of their merriment and tears the clear voice of the minstrel rose like silver and gold, and all men were hushed. And he sang to them...until their hearts, wounded with sweet words, overflowed, and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness. What an idea. I know lots of people have said it before, but the thoght of pain and delight flowing together and the tears that come are blessed. There's sadness, yes, but great joy. I'll just leave it at that.

Oh. And the confession? I sometimes dog-ear particularly splendid passages of library books.

I think it's okay, though, because I pay for the library to buy lots of books with my overdue fines!

Walking into Summer

2009-04-14T21:45:00.002-04:00

I stepped out of the house this morning, and it happened.

For a couple weeks now, we've been dealing with the smell of rainy pavement (a smell I love) but today - well today it was the smell of summer in the air. Morning, wet, summer air. And I was tempted not to sniff, it was so tantalizing.

Such good memories, of so many days spent in summer air doing campy things! But those days are not present days. (Somebody's been reading of Middle Earth recently)

Today I was headed to the office, and it's an office in which my chair does not face a window, or even spin around to easily face a window!

I don't know how people can spend years working in offices like that.

And I am determined not to be one of them. It's simply not possible. My mental state just won't take it. For those of you living 9-5 in a windowless cubicle, goodness, I'm impressed by you. I don't know how you do it.

Bring it, summer! I think I need to go camping. And soon!

Red River Gorge, here I come...

;-)

It's ccccold

2009-04-06T20:17:00.001-04:00

Not quite as bad as this was, though -

What I would give for a sauna to jump into right about now!

Lions and Lambs

2009-04-06T08:57:00.001-04:00

There's a part of me that wonders if March will turn out to have been warmer and sunnier than April.

Scratch

2009-03-30T08:54:00.000-04:00

Winter reared her increasingly unwelcome head again yesterday.

Snow.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Spring has Sprung!

2009-03-26T17:36:00.002-04:00

Birds chirping me awake every morning, snow disappearing,
Outside ice is a thing of the past,
How I've missed it.

I don't know if I can do this winter in Michigan thing again next year.
Seriously.
If not for the gray...maybe.
And the way spring is SO very welcome...

Well we've got a few months before need to decide that anyway.

:-D Spring is here!!!

Endeavors in Life

At least I don't look like this...

The rocks cry out

What do you want?

Finally..Dorothy Day

Ponderings

On my mind...

On being an 'only'

Playing in the northwest...

Pants

Morning Meditation

Portland, NE style

Wilderness Rangerness week 1

Portland..

so many times..

When it's Spring

An Ad and Swag

SICK

wall of love

Today...

Goodbye Winter!

Uncle Bill

Rules.

Family

Towering

Iced Out

train!

transportation

for mom

winter update

for Caleb

Insatiable

Christmastime is here

NYC Report

Voting Update

Autumn

VOTE!

Can you see every step?

I've been worried about you...

ArtPrize Grand Rapids

Dedicated to Jack Horkheimer

Martin family

September

Weekend in August

Weekend in August

Fear

Riding *yawn* Part II

Riding Part I

Recovery

back again

Spoiled

The new job

Dad ~ 10/5/1956-4/27/2006

Really?

Newses

Reach

Like Dora from Finding Nemo

Preview - soon to be renamed

Practice, Practice, Practice

On the move.. again!

Social Networking and Online Branding for Joe Shmoe

Trees

A favorite.

Hrm.

Goal

Remember.

How long will the deferral last?

Time for a good picture.

sometimes i wonder

Purple Flowers: a world through rose-colored glasses

Terribly Exciting!

Cleaning

smile

Whew

Things

MEL Books

My family

Uploading to YouTube

Surrounded!

Yesterday

Riding yawn Part II