Saturday, April 25, 2009

3 years

Today marks 3 years since my last day oncampus as a student of CMU. Three years ago my plans were to work my butt off for the 4-day weekend and finish my heart-attack of a paper, attend a wedding shower, and somehow write and edit a monstrous amount of pages in a ridiculous amount of time.

But I woke up to a policeman practically beating my door down. And down with the door came news of my dad's sudden death.

Home I went. Adrift I went. Moved ahead with plans to travel and study in China for 6 months that fall. And returned again to finish that dratted paper, finally. Before the finish, I began to work at Cedar Campus as an intern. I ended up joining staff later and staying through two summers. It was a good place to heal, apart from the many memories left behind in my hometown.

A delightful detour to Africa and Europe, then I came back to this place. This house where my father lived the last 22 years of his life.

After a couple months of confusion about immediate future (thank you economic depression) I'm feeling back. I've got a job, a couple friends nearby, family, and it's finally spring in this place!

One little life, but God's brought me through a lot. There's still life after loved ones depart. I still miss him most days, even wonder if that car outside is him getting home; but missing 'em is one of the proofs that you love 'em isn't it?

Older and wiser, I hope. Wonder what's going to be coming around the corner?

Bring it!

Saturday, April 18, 2009


I know that many people are annoyed by dog-eared books, and it's considered rude to do this to books which are not your own. But for myself, I don't mind. I less than don't mind; a dog-eared page to me is a sign of a treasure-hunt. Much of the time dog-earing is done only to hold the place for a page, but I always wonder - is it for some other reason? Was there a great line on this page? Especially if the dog-ear is not on the upper right side. Particularly if it's the bottom of the page.

So without further ado here are a couple of the memorable moments I deem most notable from books 5 and 6 of the Lord of the Rings. Otherwise known as The Return of the King!

The first one comes when Sam and Frodo are in the land of Mordor, and the darkness increases moment by moment as they come closer to the fire and the end of their barely conceivable mission. Sam sees a white star twinkle. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach. I can see a direct corelation to some of the things we see here on earth and the way I view goodness and God's love. It's something that only seems a twinkle at times. But it can't be winked out by something like hunger, family heartache, or war. Massive problems, yes, but bad as they are, there remains light.

And the second one comes after the ring has perished in the fire and Sam and Frodo are being honored by all the warriors. Sam had dreamed often of the idea that someday songs would be sung about the war of the Ring and their part in it. But I don't think ever thought it truly would happen for his ears to hear! When Sam heard that he laughed aloud for sheer delight, and he stood up and cried: "O great glory and splendour! And all my wishes have come true!" And he wept. And all the host laughed and wept, and in the midst of their merriment and tears the clear voice of the minstrel rose like silver and gold, and all men were hushed. And he sang to them...until their hearts, wounded with sweet words, overflowed, and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness. What an idea. I know lots of people have said it before, but the thoght of pain and delight flowing together and the tears that come are blessed. There's sadness, yes, but great joy. I'll just leave it at that.

Oh. And the confession? I sometimes dog-ear particularly splendid passages of library books.

I think it's okay, though, because I pay for the library to buy lots of books with my overdue fines!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Walking into Summer

I stepped out of the house this morning, and it happened.

For a couple weeks now, we've been dealing with the smell of rainy pavement (a smell I love) but today - well today it was the smell of summer in the air. Morning, wet, summer air. And I was tempted not to sniff, it was so tantalizing.

Such good memories, of so many days spent in summer air doing campy things! But those days are not present days. (Somebody's been reading of Middle Earth recently)

Today I was headed to the office, and it's an office in which my chair does not face a window, or even spin around to easily face a window!

I don't know how people can spend years working in offices like that.

And I am determined not to be one of them. It's simply not possible. My mental state just won't take it. For those of you living 9-5 in a windowless cubicle, goodness, I'm impressed by you. I don't know how you do it.

Bring it, summer! I think I need to go camping. And soon!

Red River Gorge, here I come...


Monday, April 06, 2009

It's ccccold

Not quite as bad as this was, though -

What I would give for a sauna to jump into right about now!

Lions and Lambs

There's a part of me that wonders if March will turn out to have been warmer and sunnier than April.