Time for a good picture.

sometimes i wonder

Sometimes in my days, in particular the last few, that is:

I wonder if a manic bipolar state is ever permanent for anyone. How in the world can folks refuse to take their medicine if it causes them extreme delusions like those I've seen? And I know I've not seen the worst.

God bless those who work in mental hospitals, on psychiatric units, and daily with those living through grand and terrible psychoses.

Purple Flowers: a world through rose-colored glasses

It's the imagined title of a book I sometimes write in my head about the story of an only child of a bipolar mother and a late father who yearns.

Someday :)

Terribly Exciting!

So what's new? Not much - more cleaning and researching what to learn next! Language? History of a region where I might move to in the next couple years? auditing a college course for free on oercommons.org??

Until I figure that out, though, when not reading Middlesex (awesome website, by the way, gives you one place to look for lots of different reviews and compiles them) or Africa: Altered States, Ordinary Miracles (this one is a social networking site for readers and gives short reviews from Joe Shmoe) I've been spending time learning personal finance and how to invest. Knew I'd be opening pandora's box, but there it is. 25 and getting a handle on retirement/investing/saving/paying off school debts!

There are SOOO many places to look. It's kind of fun to research at the library. I've never really looked into something that was current where I had to do research. Whereas in literature you're looking at old reviews in books and literary magazines (the way I researched anyway, and I didn't really have a penchant for it...I like just reading the text and discussing it in person), in this case the research is on websites and current popular magazines as well as what I'm used to. Add in the fact that my library and I are at odds currently (they say I have fines for not letting them know I renewed MEL books on my own before they went overdue) the only time I can use library materials is in person rather than checking more out. Sigh. If only I didn't have to be somewhere else during most of the hours they're open!

So my favorite picks so far: hard-copy of Money which assumes for the most part that I have a lot of money, Get Rich Slowly which doesn't assume, The Simple Dollar a good starting point, and even Suze Orman's 2009 Action Plan which was a quick leaf-through but definitely helpful with question/answer sections from a proven expert in personal finance.

Yep. That's what I'm up to. Figuring out whether to head toward max-out contributions for Roth-IRA and 401k and how much, exactly should be set aside as an emergency fund. Still trying to understand possible investing past retirement funds. Maybe I'm too poor for that just yet. I'll stick with my INGDirect savings account at 1.3%!

Cleaning

From 2000, age 16... My personal favorite is my view of what my mind, parent's mind, friend's mind, and teacher's mind looks like!

What is the first thing you remember learning?
tying my shoelaces for my kindergarten teacher

If you won the lottery guaranteeing you $1000/week for life, how would you spend the first $1,000?
Rend a car and take some friends around the country. Use rest of money for gas, food, and accommodations.

Complete the statement:

My mind is like a... rainforest, wild with unexpected treasures (memories) hidden throughout
My parent's mind is like a... prarie (rich life in the grass)
My best friend's mind is like a... secret door
My teacher's mind is like a... window

If you ever wrote a book, what would be its title?
Remember When...

If you could change your first name to any other name, what would it be?
I wouldn't change it. Stay Sarah

What's the hardest thing you've ever tried and actually accomplished?
Tried out for a high school play and got a good part.

What are two goals that you would like to accomplish this year?
I'd like to get a job and find out what I'll do after HS.

Who do you trust the most?
God

Which of these ideas is the most important in your life today:
Love, truth, time, change or freedom?
You're nothing without love. Love is the biggest reason you could have for living, whether it be being loved, loving others, or loving yourself for what you are.

smile

Whew

I've been neglecting much writing of any kind lately. Not that I've been particularly busy; I don't know quite what it is. Except that it's probably not depression. I know some people mark their happiness or unhappiness by how much they're writing. And I've been writing in journal-form since about the age of 10. But there are phases. Heavy-writing and non-heavy-writing. I used to think it was linked to happiness.

Now, rather, I believe it's linked to sunlight and community.

My community as of late was been my workplace crowd and the bits and pieces of scattered friends and family around the globe. The friends and family one has been lagging. Always the one to be good at keeping in touch, it's odd not to be that person. Just got exhausting and maybe some self-esteem built up for myself. No longer do I need those connections to feel secure in myself. It's nice to mature sometimes. If indeed that's what it is.

Sigh.

Although not written down, there have been a myriad of thoughts swirling in my brain. About the near future, about the friends and relationships changing, about the distant future. So many are getting married. I hope, hope, hope, that they don't follow the route more than half the population in the US is following, and divorcing. But being real, there must be some that will. My people are not an exception to the rule, no matter how I hope. And so I'm wondering who will be having kids then divorcing, remarrying, divorcing again. And who will divorce before children. Talk a out a downer.

Then there's the thought, what if this generation is will act differently? What if, because of war and young men and women dying overseas as the norm, 9/11, economistic woe, and a general negativity toward marriage, makes us more likely to be committed to marriage relationships (when and if we do finally dive in) than our older examples?

Maybe I'm just trying to justify my hope.

:)