Song on the brain speaking to the heart..

My roommate has this great mix of songs we jam to in the bathroom sometimes :) and that's how I heard this song, whose lyrics make me wistful:

ELI - Things I Prayed For

Things I prayed for when I was young
That my father would love me like his only son
That my mother would be patient with me
And my sister would not leave
And if my grandpa could see me beyond his grave
That he'd think his little man was so great
That my hair would not stick up in weird places
And I'd be someone someday

Years go by so easily that sometimes I forget
Years go by and make me see that there's no time for my regret
No time for my regret

Things I prayed for in my teens
That God would forgive all my evil deeds
That my father and my sister would come home
And mom could meet our needs
And if my grandpa could see me beyond his grave
That he'd say a prayer for his family's sake
That my hair would stick up in weird places
And I'd be someone someday

Years go by so easily that sometimes I forget
Years go by and make me see that there's no time for my regret
No time for my regret

Things I pray for now in my twenties
That God would still love me
That my dad would like his new family
That I could hug my sister, that my mom could rest
That my wife would still melt every time we kissed
And if my grandpa has seen me beyond his grave
How cold and silent he has remained
That my hair would not fall out in weird places
And I'd be someone someday

Years go by so easily that sometimes I forget
Years go by and make me see that there's no time for my regret
No time for my regret
These are the things I prayed for
That I'd be someone someday

I think it would be neat to see Eli come back to this song in 20 years and say what he'd pray for in his 30s and 40s too. I hope I remember there's no time for regret..and that I'd be someone someday. What will this path lead us to? In talking to the older staff here at camp, over and over again I hear that nobody ever thought they would be here in this place, with this family, with this everything. So does that mean it won't be me in 20 years? Because I could see that happening..

Whew. Got out of that one! Still no answer as to where it will lead, but where it won't lead..

maybe.

Dreaming of China

Dreaming of China, originally uploaded by sarah_laughingguts.

I'm dreaming of dusty roads and watermelons tonight..

The Fam

Seems like people keep dying.

This week in particular a handful that I knew. First, a great-aunt. And then last night, a great-uncle (unrelated to each other).

I start healing from one, then it happens all over again, and at moments, it's worse than before, when I thought I was in the absolute depths of despair. What I've learned for sure so far is that the highs go a whole heck of a lot higher than I've ever experienced, and the lows go even lower that I've known. If there's one thing I love and hate about growing up, it's that one.

Today's been a good day, though, all in all. I work with great people, who do good things for each other and especially for our guests. It doesn't hurt that it's beautiful here. :)

A list.

Things I want to remember:
-looking out on the frozen bay - all times of the day
-walking and sliding across the bay to work and home again
-ice skating over black ice and sliding on my knees like the kids for the fun of it (and later regretting it - a little - because of the painful bruises)
-talking in front of the woodstove with one of those rare kindred spirits
-remembering yet again that tv will suck your brains out
-sitting in a windowseat while reading a good book
-wakening to the sunrise and seeing fog as the bay freezes
-my coworkers
-cross-country skiing or snow-shoeing any time I feel like it
-Canasta buddies!
-Cribbage buddies!
-eating venison killed by friends..
-seeing baby bobcats
-waiting for deer to cross the mile-long driveway every morning to work, and trying to get my camera out, capturing the babies and their mamas on screen
-Libraries with records of my ancestors
-live music by accomplished musicians who love what they do and play for free
-driving across the mackinac bridge over frozen ice
-white chocolate
-squeals of delight as I'm chased around my desk by little visitors
-sleeping peacefully

Alright- enough for now. See yous later.

As I Type..

I can hear the Boogie Woogie in the background, just like gramma used to play for me. There's a woman here at the Traverse Area District Library who is playing her heart out on the floor below me.

A few pieces before that, she played Clair de Lune, another favorite of mine. I had to go stand closer and close my eyes, picturing the thoughts that music floats into my mind. I saw a boat gliding through the water of a big lake, sailing into the sunset. Not the end, but a beginning. So much promise.

That said, I am thoroughly enjoying my mini-vacation at Shanty Creek Resorts. I've been in the condo a total of about 10 minutes so far, as I've spent the weekend with friends Alex and DiAnn. Now it's just DiAnn and me here at the library, as Alex had to fly back to California about an hour ago.

Tonight I'm going to a SuperBowl party with DiAnn and her husband Matt, playing games and eating tacos as her dad watches the big game.

As I look out the window, I can see a man ice fishing on the lake, and a couple snowshoing along the shore. What a beautiful place.

Do I really want to say goodbye to all this? I suppose that's what vacations are supposed to be; oases in the midst of our chaotic lives, eh? A vacation is like a good friend. And even better with a few good friends, like Kat!

Adios!